oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
