Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
