Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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