i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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