Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
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i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
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Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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