I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
everyone is single if you try hard enough
we made out on top of his cat.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
