Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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