Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
