its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
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I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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