I wish you could order shots online.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2