Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!