I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
