Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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