honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
