when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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