i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We were destined to go to rehab together
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize