Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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