He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
