Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
