im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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