Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
