We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
