Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
