Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
