I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
