I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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