God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Randomize
