feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
