I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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