im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She tied me up with her honor cords...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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