I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
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and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
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We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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