dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
