Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
