I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
