She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
