franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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