Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
