I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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