I think scott just propositioned me for sex
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
