It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
It's Friday. Sex?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
