Only a mothe r could love this liver
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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