thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
