I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
