threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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