this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My vagina just clenched in fear
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
