I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize