My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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