So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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