weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
