Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
