I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
