i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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