Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
