so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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