whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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