Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
