Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
