only if we run a train.
done.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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