if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize