I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
