How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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