We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
