I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
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We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
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Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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