ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
