look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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