when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boob is missing a layer of skin
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize