Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions