Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.