i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
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By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
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My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.