You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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