i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
